Thursday, June 28, 2007

Fun Links

I'm busy so here are some fun links I stole you can waste your time with:

10 Worst Car Crash Videos

Ten Best Celebrity Asses

Top 10 Celebrity Plastic Surgery Addicts

Keith and the Girl

Here is one I'm posting on the recommendation of my sister. I haven't gone there yet:

Draw a Pig

Have fun, Kiddies!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

I'm Back on the Juice

...the caffeine juice, that is. And I am so grossed out right now. It's very possible I may hurl if I don't block it out of my mind. I was just drinking my second giant glass of iced coffee, when I noticed there was something in my mouth. I absent-mindedly felt it with my tongue and between my teeth. I spit it out onto my finger, AND IT WAS A BUG. A little brown beetle-type bug.


I don't know what happened with the caffeine thing. I was having none, then I was having one or two a week, etc. It crept up on me, and suddenly I was back to drinking two or three giant glasses per day again. I like it, DAMMIT. (I know that's the wrong spelling, but I like spelling it that way so shuddup. You are so critical. Gawd!)

My headache finally went away last night around 7:00. Or at least it subsided enough that I got up out of bed and joined "the family" in the living room. It faded in and out through the evening but was never really bad again. I think I sat at my computer too long typing yesterday. I was there from 8:30-4:50, and only got up once and took about an hour break while I went to the grocery store. I will never learn. I can't help it, though, because I get caught up in working and don't even think about what I'm doing or how long I've been sitting here. I need to set an alarm on my computer to remind me to get up and stretch or something.

I can't believe there was a beetle in my mouth. ACK!

What the heck is Active-X, and why is a box suddenly popping up on all of my favorite Internet pages asking me if I want to run an "Active-X Control," and no matter what I choose, I get an error message and the whole damn thing shuts down? I can't read my blogs! I can't see the latest celebrity gossip! Whatever shall I do? I guess I'll call somebody at Microsoft and see if they can help me. It better not be somebody with curry breath either that doesn't know anything more than I do! I hate that.

I need to wash my mouth out with Listerine. There are probably bug legs in my teeth. EWW!

I'm going to dig him out of the trash and take a picture so you can see him and be grossed out with me...

OH MY GAWD!! It's a fly, not a beetle! LOOK!!

Oh, Lordie. That's GROSS. That is the exact bug that was in my MOUTH! I need to go lie down.

Monday, June 25, 2007


It's 4:50 and I have a headache and I'm irritable. I need a nap.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Print My Blog?

Does anybody know if there's an EASY way to print out all of the entries in a blog? I'd like to do that every now and then and have them bound in book format. That would be something kinda neat for my kids to have when I'm long gone. They can read it and remember their crazy momma and cry and cry.

I would hate to lose over a year's worth of entries because something happened in Internet Land and it was all lost in cyberspace. Can I save it to a CD or something? How? Somebody help a sister out.

Weekend Stuff

Marigolds & Caladiums (Red Flash Fancy Leaf Caladiums)

My Flower Babies

I took this picture just two-and-a-half days after I planted these flower seeds. They want to live, by golly, and they are in a hurry it seems. I bought some flower seeds on eBay (yes, I still have a problem but it's much better now) after I saw some pictures of my sister's flowers in San Diego. They are called Cosmos, and I've never seen them around here. I bought four kinds: Hinomaru Cosmos, Cosmos Double Click, Sea Shell Cosmos, and Solar Flare Cosmos. The lady I bought them from sent me some free seeds for some flowers called Persian Jewels -- Love in Mist, and I planted those too.

Apparently there are a gagillion different kinds of Cosmos. Here are a bunch of pictures if you're interested.

Somebody's sleepy. Sammi looks like a black blob in a lot of pictures because she is so black, doesn't she? You can't even see her at all in the dark. I can't tell if she's in her bed under my desk by just looking. I have to feel around with my foot to know if she's there or not, and that's during the daytime. And, no, those are not my hairy legs. They belong to Barnaby. My hairy legs are much more tanned than that. Ha.

We went on a shopping marathon yesterday and had a great time. We started out just looking for tennis shoes for both of us, but ended up with a carload of stuff. And it was all on sale and cheap, cheap, cheap. Especially the stuff we got at Old Navy. I got one shirt for 97 cents, two for $1.97, and a whole pile of socks for just 10 cents each. Just as we got to the register they plopped down a box full of socks, and the girl said, "We are trying to get rid of these. Do you want some? They're 10 cents a pair." I should have bought the whole box, but I didn't want to be Miss Piggy and hog them all.

We went to another place and I lost my mind and got a purse, some earrings, and FOUR wallets. What the hell does anyone need four wallets for? At the time I was thinking I'd get this one for credit cards, this one for money & change, this one for miscellaneous cards and crap I hardly ever use but can't be without JUST IN CASE, etc. Now that I've organized it all, you know what will happen, don't you? I won't be able to find anything! I'll be that airhead at the front of the line holding everyone up digging through my FOUR wallets. So I apologize in advance.

We ate lunch at Chili's, and I'm sure everyone there thought I was bulemic or a coke head because I kept having to go to the bathroom and throw up saliva. It's that dad-gum slipped band that's making me do that. But for $10,000, I'd rather do that than pay a doctor that much money.

By the way, I checked with another doctor, and his fee was actually a little higher than that. He also recommended that I convert to a Vertical gastrectomy, or vertical sleeve gastrecomy (VSG), rather than just repositioning the band, and it would cost about the same. Sounds like a good idea to me when and if I ever do anything, but I need to look into it a little more.
Okay, I have to go take a shower and stuff before the race starts. Talk at ya next week. Buh-Bye.
(I had to edit this post 172 times because of typos and grammar errors. You'd think I was drunk or something!)

Friday, June 22, 2007

Hoe Cakes

I made these to go with the Wangs last night, and they were pretty good. I made a few adjustments to the recipe though. I used chopped jalapeno instead of green chiles, and I added about a half a cup of shredded sharp cheddar cheese. The original recipe came from Southern Living Magazine.

Chili-Corn Griddle Cakes

1 cup frozen corn, thawed
1 cup cornmeal mix
1/2 cup buttermilk
1/2 cup boiling water
1 can chopped green chiles
1 Tbsp vegetable oil
1/2 tsp ground cumin

Stir together all ingredients just until moistened. If you stir too much, they will be tough. Spoon batter by level 1/4 cupfuls onto a hot (375 degree), greased griddle or skillet. Cook until browned and flip and cook other side. Serve warm with butter or sour cream.

Here is some Friday fun for you. These photoshopped pictures of celebrities are interesting to go through.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Umm, Wangs

We're havin' Parmesan Wangs for dinner. Here's the fixins. I know this is exciting so please try to contain yourself.
This is the coffee cake I made Tuesday evening. It's still yummy three days later. I found the melted butter in the microwave today. I guess I forgot to drizzle it on top before I baked it. I'm always finding food in the microwave that I forgot about. How can I forget about something like that and start a completely different thing for dinner without remembering that I already started something else and left it in the microwave? I would never have done that a few years ago. That little bell in my brain that used to remind me of such things has gone mute. You know that little bell? The one that should have gone off when I was backing out of the garage but didn't open the door first? The one that should have gone off when I unloaded groceries and put the frozen blueberries in the cabinet, which I didn't find until two days later when blueberry juice was EVERYWHERE? Yeah, that bell. It's gone.
My mom called an hour ago or so to tell me they had a little bird on their back porch that was stuck to a piece of that gluey paper that's meant to catch mice. They couldn't get it unstuck and wanted to know if I knew what they could use to get it off. I had no idea so I gave them the phone number to my vet's office. Hopefully they had a solution for them. If not, knowing my dad, he smacked its little head with a hammer and threw it in the garbage. No, wait. He probably twisted its little head off with his bare hands and fed it to the neighbor's dog. I'm not kidding. I bet that's what ended up happening. That's why I don't want to call her back and ask.
When I used to go quail hunting with my dad, that's what he used to do when he shot one and the dog would point to it so he could find it. He'd pick it up and twist its head off with his bare hands and throw it to the dog as a reward. Crunch, crunch, crunch, the happy dog would go. Ummm, tastey!
Now that you're sufficiently grossed out, I have to go make dinner. See ya.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Tans & Old Dogs

I've been getting Mystic Tans for the last 2-3 weeks. I bought ten of them for the summer, and I really like it. I have the whitest skin on earth and melanoma in my immediate family, so this is definitely the way to go for me. It makes a huge difference in the way I look.

You can go by any tanning place and buy just one and see how you like it. That's what I did before I bought a package. I'm off to go get another one now.

**Later that same day**

Okay, I'm back. They put me in a different room this time with a different kind of sprayer. I didn't like it. I hope it turns out okay. I won't know until in the morning because it doesn't fully develop until then.

I'm going with my dad to take my mom for a colonoscopy AND endoscopy tomorrow morning. Can you imagine getting it at both ends like that at once? I'm sure she'd be thrilled to know I'm blabbing about it on the WORLD-WIDE WEB! I'll shut up now.

I made a coffee cake yesterday evening that turned out really great. The cake was so tender it melted in your mouth. HERE is the recipe. Read the reviews if you're going to make it. I did what a lot of them said and added more sugar and milk. I also added finely chopped pecans to the topping and doubled it. Brown Sugar = Love

I'm going to order a Three Dog Night greatest hits CD from Amazon if I can find it. I heard one of their songs today, Never Been to Spain, and it made me want more. That song is SEX-AY, people! I bet the guy who sings it is really old now. That doesn't mean he isn't still SEX-AY though. That is, if he ever was. I have no idea.OMG...I just looked him up. You knew I would, didn't you? Here he is. He's not that old at all!

CHUCK NEGRON was the lead singer for "Three Dog Night," one of the most popular bands in the early 70's. They had twenty-one consecutive Top 40 hits.

I hate that soul patch thing on his chin though. Give it up, Chuckie.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The Stand

This is my new cake stand. Ain't it purdy? I shouldn't be so happy about having it, but I am. I wanted it so badly, I ended up with TWO.

I saw it on eBay awhile back and became obsessed with it. Of course, I bid on it with my highest bid being what I thought was pretty high and should get the job done. To my horror, I was outbid at the very last second by some bitch who paid $58 for it.

At first I was indignant that anyone would have the BALLS to outbid me at the last second like that (like I do everybody else, but it's okay when I do it). How dare she! I was madder than an old wet hen, as my Granny used to say, and then I was determined to get one if I had to pay $200 for it because I get totally unreasonable like that sometimes about things that don’t even matter.

I first searched the Internet for someplace where I could just buy it outright. Nadda. So I begrudgingly went back to eBay and searched for another one. A few days went by before a couple of them were listed. I bid on BOTH of them, because I was a crazed idiot. I don't know why I didn't just bid on the first one and WATCH the second one and bid on it later if need be.

Anyway, I ended up winning the first one for $28 ($30 less than that mean old hag that outbid me before -- Heh). And then I won the second one, too, for $9.50! Ha! Who is the idiot now??

I figure it will make a great gift if nothing else. Or maybe I'll just display it in my curio cabinet and tell my grandchildren someday how their Granny Pissy Pants won it on eBay for a pittance.
I'm off to make a cake to go on my pretty pink cake stand.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

I'm Too Impatient to Make This Work

I started to make a really cute aquarium, but I don't have the patience for this stuff. So be happy with two fish and a scuba diver, okay? Okay.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Toys & Oldies

Meet the new dog toys for this week, starting from the left.

1. Miss Poodle Toy. She belongs to Phoebe and is the prettiest. She squeaks.
2. The Joker Toy. He belongs to Sammi and is downright creepy, if you ask me. He also squeaks.
3. Sweet Lady Bug Toy. Very cute with long skinny rope legs and arms. Yep, she squeaks.
4. Goofy Fish Toy. Kind of Plain Jane until you squeeze him and he honks like a duck. His honker won me over, and I got him for Little Boy.

So all the dogs were very happy last night to get their new toys. They were on sale at Target for $3.99 each. If you've ever shopped for dog toys, you know this is a great deal. Nice big toys like this usually run around $8-$10 or more.

We made a run to Target yesterday evening. We were in the car going home around dusk. The radio was on an oldies station playing that song that goes, "Please, Baby, go all the way..."

Barnaby: "Who is that singing that song anyway?"

Pam: "I have no idea."

Barnaby: "I know who that is, but I can't think of it right now."

We rode in silence listening to the song.

Pam, rather boldly says: "Do you want to go all the way?"

Barnaby: "All the way where?"

Pam: "Never mind."

Thursday, June 14, 2007

I Want a Do-Over

I'd like to have all of my dogs' toenails removed. The clicking noise on the wood floors drives me batty. I'd much rather have carpet than these floors, but it's impossible to keep carpet clean with four dogs and a cat living on it. I wonder why they don't remove dog toenails like they do cat toenails. I think I've mentioned before that I've tried to duct-tape baby socks onto their feet in an attempt to stop the noise. It doesn't work. They still slip off in a matter of minutes. I need to do some research on the Internet. Surely I'm not the only person in the world who is irritated by that noise. Somebody has a good idea out there somewhere, and I'll find it.
I'm wearing a wrist brace again. That pain in my right palm returned yesterday. Oh, joy. computer is being a brat this morning and is acting up.
I think I'll shut it down, go back to bed for an hour and start this day over. I'm just a tad irritable. Can you tell? I refuse to go through my whole day this way. I'll be back later with a new attitude.
G'day, Mates.

Friday, June 08, 2007

I'm Crackin' Up! And Disgusted.

Picture taken from

Shepard Smith is totally cracking me up with his coverage of the Paris Hilton debacle. He's reinacting what she reportedly did and said in court, sobbing and screaming, "It's not fair! Mom!" I'm sorry that most of you probably missed it. It was great, and that's why I love to watch his newscasts at 2:00 and 6:00 on the Fox News Channel.

Paris Hilton, right or wrong, you need to buck up and take it like a, uh, er, woman. Stop bawling already. And stop carrying around The Bible and all those religious materials for the cameras. Nobody buys it, and nobody with a brain feels sorry for you. Jeez. Have some dignity and grace, even if you don't believe you're being treated fairly. Martha Stewart didn't think she was being treated fairly either, but she handled herself so well, you can't help but respect her for it. You're disgusting with all your melodrama. Get a backbone and take your punishment. And when it's over, clean up your life.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Breakfast of Champions

Actually it was lunch, and there was also a BBQ chicken thigh that I didn't get a picture of. I love me some Ding Dongs, don't you? I hadn't had one in a few years so I bought some today. They aren't wrapped in that thin foil anymore, which was kind of disappointing. They're wrapped in white plastic now. Hmpf. Why don't they just leave stuff alone? Whatever happened to, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"?

And that is the correct punctuation for that last sentence, so don't mess with me. I am the Queen of Punctuation. I don't like the word "punctuation" though. It sounds like it's something that stinks, ya know? It's kinda like the word "puke." It sounds like something that stinks.

Speaking of words, I love the word "sultry." It's my favorite. I knew a lady once who always said, "It's sultry out there!" And she said it with a Georgia drawl and drew out the word "suuultry." Imagine Blanch from Golden Girls saying it. Loved it.

The lady that said that all the time had the last name Butterfly. How cool is that? And she was the prettiest old lady. She wore blue jeans and moccasins, and wore her longish, solid gray hair in a ponytail with dangly earrings. Her face was wrinkled, but tan and beautiful. She used to give me colonics, and was very savvy in the ways of holistic and alternative medicine. She would light fresh sage and wave it around the room. I bet she was a witch doctor, or a -- what do you call those Indian guys? She always talked about an Indian reservation where she worked on weekends. What the heck is that word? It starts with an S. I'll come back to it later. I know it's bound to jump in my head.

Okay, now. My husband, Barnaby, has teased my youngest son ever since he was 10 years old. We'll call my son Seth. Every time Seth mentioned a girlfriend, Barnaby would ask, "Is she black?" And we would all laugh, and Seth would say, "No!" and get all indignant. *See disclaimer.

So anywho, my husband's youngest son -- we'll call him Imus -- sent him a link to his MySpace page. He had just put up a bunch of pictures from his Prom. And who do you think Imus took to the prom??? You guessed it, a black girl. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Okay, she's only half black, but still. I laughed my ass off.

*Disclaimer: I have aboslutley nothing against black girlfriends or blacks in general and neither does Barnaby or Seth. And excuse me if "blacks" isn't the politically correct way to refer to African Americans these days. I don't keep up with that stuff. It was just a joke that embarassed a little kid, and it was funny, DAMMIT.

One time in 1980, Santa Claus came to my workplace and was walking through the building throwing candy. I said, "Look! Santa is colored!" (Gawd. Whatever possessed me to comment on it, I'll never know.) Well, I was sternly corrected by a black lady named Sootie. With a look on her face that said where is your white hood, she said, "He's not colored, he's black!" I've called them blacks ever since. Actually, I think I've just refrained from calling them anything in public. I'm very wise like that.

Shaman! The word I was looking for was Shaman.

I better get back to work. Later, dudes.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Cute Cake, Healthy Fruit, & Poker

Barnaby Crocker's Cake
Chocolate Layer Cake with Bananas Between the Layers

Barnaby decided he was going to make his favorite cake himself today. Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen? I told him the first layer cake I ever made didn't look any better. It does take practice. He says his first mistake was not removing it from the cooling rack before putting it together and icing it. Um, yeah, that would make it difficult. I bet it tastes good though.

Fruit Salad Supper
Strawberries, Blueberries, Rasberries, & Bananas

Is that Dwight Yokum on my back porch? (Look at Sammi in the background. She wonders what's going on, and Phoebe couldn't care less.)

No, it's me in my new poker hat & glasses. (I'm the one on the left.) Poker? I hardly know her! Ha-ha-ha-ha. Ah-hem.
Please excuse the inappropriate cleavage (& joke). I didn't realize my camisole had wiggled its way down so low. I tried to use Microsoft Paint to cover it up, but I couldn't get it to look right. Looking at that picture, Abby sure is getting old. (I covered up most of my old with sunglasses.) She seems to have aged rather suddenly. Look how gray she is.

Y'all have a good week. Let's all try and do one random act of kindness this week, m'kay? It'll make someone's day AND yours.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Band Revision

Surgery Center Fee: $4500

Anesthesia: $500-$700

Doctor's Fee: Don't know yet

Whatever it ends up being, it's as much as the tummy tuck I want. Sigh.

Simmer Down Now

I just ate a big piece of chocolate cakey stuff -- okay, fine, it was a piece of Mississippi Mud Cake! Yes, I know it's 9:30 in the morning, but I was hungry, and it was sitting there on the counter, and I passed it up once at 9:00 but couldn't help myself any longer.

Message to Sharon: Don't get your feelins' all hurt, cousin. I couldn't wait for the recipe so I went on a hunt for a Mississippi Mud Cake with coconut in it like we had at the picnic the other day, and I found one on I still want your recipe though!

I made it yesterday when I went on a cooking frenzy. I made the Mississippi Mud Cake, Pork Chops Topo (Topo = Tomatoes & Potatoes), dressing, and pimento cheese spread/dip. You really should make your own pimento cheese. It's so much better than the stuff you buy at the grocery store. It's easy:

Pimento Cheese

3 cups shredded Sharp Cheddar
1 large jar diced pimentos, drained
chopped jalapeno to taste, optional
1/2-3/4 cup Hellman's Mayo

Mix all together and refrigerate. Serve with chips or crackers. (I like it on Ritz crackers)

A lot of recipes I've seen call for garlic powder and/or other seasonings, but I don't like it with anything in it but the above. You can also use a mix of different shredded cheeses if you want. Shredded Cheddar and Swiss is a good mix.

We never did make that trip to the country to find a big rock for the garden. It started raining again and we didn't go. Maybe we'll go this weekend. I think I'll try to weasle a trip to the casino out of Barnaby when we go. Afterall, we'll be out that way wandering around anyway, huh?

I yelled at Sammi this morning and told her she was a "bad girl" for pooping on the bathroom rug. She got her feelings hurt really bad, and she's been slinking around with her ears peeled back ever since. I hate it when I hurt my dogs' feelings. I feel horrible now. This would be why Sammi is still not completely housebroken yet. I can't stand to make her feel bad. I'd rather pick up poop.

I'm going to weigh-in on the Rosie O'Donnel thing now. I used to really love her and her talk show, but something happened to her personality when she "came out," and she became really overbearing and obnoxious. I mean, really, didn't everybody already know she was "Lebanese" before she officially announced it? Pa-leeze! I don't know if she feels like being loud and obnoxious protects her in some way or is her security blanket or what. She totally turns me off though.

And I don't agree with her Bush bashing and war bashing either. I believe if you want to disagree with the president and the war, that's fine, but you MUST ALWAYS be respectful of the man and his position. I don't even care much for it when people make fun of the perception of his lack of intelligence either. He does make it awful easy though. That's all I'll say.

AND Barack Obama rocks, even though I'm usually not on the democratic side of things.

While I'm being all political and everything, Jack Kevorkian got out of prison and I'm glad. So there. The government needs to stay out of our bidness if we want to die or have an abortion. Freedom of choice when it comes to my body is the only way to go.

Ooookay. Got on a rant there, huh? I'll just stick my nose in the coffee beans and calm down now.

I'm kind of in the mood to take a walk. WHAT? Who said that? I'm just talkin' crazy now. I'd better go.