Friday, August 31, 2007


The Electrician Hunk installed our motion light this morning. I'm glad I had on a skirt and had my make-up done and freshly washed hair. Mmm-mmm is all I have to say. He was almost as hunky as my husband.

Nice recovery, huh?

I'm going over to my mom & dad's for a visit. Later.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Evil Neighbors

Aug 29, 2007

Hi, Neighbor!

We wanted to let you know that we are going to be installing a floodlight on the side of our house next to yours. Please let us know if this light causes you any problems or is bothersome. It’s a motion sensor light, so it will go on and off at different times when it’s dark outside.

My husband found a kitchen knife on that side of our house lying in the grass about three feet from the corner of our garage the day after he returned from an out-of-town trip. We noticed that you had trimmed the bushes on that side of your house during that time. Do you know if that knife belongs to you? I’m hoping it was innocently left there by a kid or something, but it made both of us a little nervous. That’s why we’re installing a motion light. I have the knife if you want to look at it to see if you recognize it.

Again, let us know if that light bothers y’all and we’ll adjust it.


Scotty & Barnaby McScotterson
9999 VanScottaldson Lane
Phone number: 000-000-000

If your next-door neighbor left a letter on your front door like the one above I left my neighbor yesterday, wouldn't you respond in some manner? Yeah, well, she didn't. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. I think that's rude as hell. She might as well flip me the finger. This is the weirdest neighborhood I've ever lived in. Nobody talks to anybody, ever.

I think I'll have that electrician set up that flood light to shine directly into her bedroom window. I bet she talks to me then! Stupid hag.

Her boyfriend is probably the one peeking in my windows and plotting to murder me. He probably found the letter first and threw it away so she wouldn't know! Or maybe SHE'S the one who wants to kill me. Maybe she's a lesbian serial killer and has fallen in love with me from afar after peeking in my windows. If she can't have me, nobody will! Ahhhh!

See how my mind works? Trust nobody -- that's my motto.

So did y'all watch Crazy Sexy Cancer last night? I did. It was okay, but it was a little annoying because of the way it was filmed. They tried to be a little too artsy-fartsy for me. They only succeeded in being annoying as hell. I got used to it after awhile and got into the story. I'd give it a less than mediocre 2 stars out of 5. The story wasn't very substantive, there wasn't much drama, and not a whole lot happened. She didn't even get chemo or go bald or have surgery or anything. I didn't laugh or cry or tear-up at all. That poor girl. Her cancer was boring! Ha. That's funny to me for some reason. I'd be mad if I had boring cancer. If I ever have to have it, it had better be interesting and entertaining, damn it! If it's not, nobody make a 2-hour movie about it, please.

And don't go get all offended and get your panties in a wad if you're reading this and have cancer. "How dare she! That's a terrible thing to say about cancer! May God strike her with horrible giant cancer tumors! Exciting ones!"

That is all.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Speaking of Psychic, Murdering, Cancer-Ridden, Freaks...

I went out and bought a new floodlight at Lowe's yesterday and made an appointment with an electrician for Friday to install it. This one has a motion detector on it, so it should work great over on that side of the house where murderers lurk in the dark. I left my neighbor a note telling her we were installing it and why, and if the light bothered anybody to please let us know and we'd adjust it. She'll probably be glad because that side of her house is really dark too, and she's a single mother living alone with a young son. I'm sure she'll be freaked out when I tell her why we're installing it. Or maybe she'll just think I'm an alarmist and a scaredy-cat.

I sure have talked to some nice people the last few days. The lady at Lowe's that checked me out was really nice and helped me go get the correct bulbs for the floodlight. I had bought normal 150 watt bulbs, and she said that was wrong kind and helped me out. She laughed and said, "You'd get home with those and your husband would be like, 'What the heck is this?'" Little does she know, I'm keeping it a secret that I even bought the light, much less hired an electrician to install it. I asked him to do it, but he just groaned and said something about how he'd fry himself trying to hook up a light, blah, blah, blah. He's no electrician, blah, blah, blah. Fine. I'll take care of it my own damn self.

And then my mind got to going, and I thought to myself maybe he hired someone to kill me while he was gone! Ahhh! So that's why he doesn't want a light over there! He has a girlfriend and wants to divorce me but doesn't want me to take all his retirement money so -- and then I stopped myself because I realized that was just not true. I watch too many shows like Forensic Files and 48 Hours. I love those shows.

Speaking of TV shows, there's a new show coming on Lifetime October 12th. It's a psychic competition. I'm not sure what it's all about, but it sounds good to me. They show all these psychics being given the task of telling where a person is located in this big building just by listening to his heartbeat. I like another psychic show that's on that channel with a psychic named Lisa Williams. She's the same kind of psychic as John Edwards that speaks to the dead -- or dead people speak to her or something. And then there's Psychic Detectives and Haunting Evidence on Court TV that I also watch.

No wonder I'm a freak.

AND tonight there's a show coming on TLC called "Crazy, Sexy Cancer," which is a weird title, but I'm gonna give it a shot. I like reality cancer shows. Did y'all ever watch that reality show called Houston Medical where they followed doctors around, and then that one female doctor they were following found out she had a brain tumor? Dang, it was sad. When the show ended, she was still getting treatment, and then I found out on the Internet not long after that she had died. Her name was Marnie Rose.

My rosemary out front looks sick. I'll be pissed if it dies. I planted it in the spring, and it's grown at least 4 times its original size. I was looking forward to seeing it bloom tiny little blueish-purple flowers next spring. I'm going to hose it down every day and try and keep it cool. It's just too dang hot out there, I think, even though it's not in full sun most of the day. One of the other rosemary plants I bought at the same time died two weeks ago. I have no idea why. I've never been able to keep anything alive that I've tried to grow in a planter. Whatever it is always dies. Hmpf.

It getting really overcast outside right now. Hopefully it'll rain a nice, steady rain.

I'm finished blabbing. See ya.

Monday, August 27, 2007

One Quick Note

Michael Vick says he has "found Jesus through this experience.

I don't believe that for one second. It's hollow and self-serving.

Michael Vick makes me sick.

Michael Vick is an asshole.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Drama Queen

Click on the picture for a larger view.

This is where Barnaby found the knife that was meant to slash my throat. I superimposed Jason for effect. Pretty cool, huh? Pretty scary!

Since that side of the house is pitch black at night, I'm calling someone Monday morning to install a light. There's one on the other side of the garage, but it just lights up the driveway and backyard.

I'm going to be cooking and baking the rest of the day today. I'm having my sons, one son's girlfriend, my mom & dad, and my nephew over for dinner tomorrow at 1pm, and I can get most of the cooking done today. Today I'm making salad, deviled eggs, pea salad, squash casserole, homemade bread dough, and chocolate cake. My mom is making the brisket and bringing it over tomorrow. All I'll have to do tomorrow before dinner is finish making the rolls and let them rise before baking, and bake the squash casserole. Sounds like a breeze, huh? We'll see. I'll have fun in the kitchen today for sure.

I ordered a foot/calf massager on ebay the other day. I'm really hoping it comes in the mail today! I bought this one:

That's quite a contraption, isn't it? I can't wait.

Gotta go cook. See ya.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

I Don't Like That

I think somebody was gonna kill me, y’all.

After Barnaby got home, he was mowing the grass the next morning and found a butcher knife lying in the grass on the side of the house next to the garage. It was lying about five inches from the side of the house. I wish I had taken a picture of it before he threw it away. Maybe I’ll go dig around and see if I can find it. He came in and showed it to me and told me where he found it, and I said, “I don’t like that!” And he said, “I don’t either.”

I have to confess, I did feel nervous at night while he was gone and slept with my gun under my pillow. I may have stacked some TV trays in front of the front doors, too, so it would make a bunch of noise if someone opened the front door. What? It made me feel better. Don’t look at me that way. You know you’ve done stuff like that before.

I didn't want to dig in the trash, so I took a picture of one of my knives. It's exactly the same size and type, except this one looks newer. That's a 6-inch ruler.

Whoever you were, you are an idiot to bring a knife to a gun fight. My .357 magnum will blow your head off way before you ever see me, Shithead. I just might have some a switchblade and Ninja throwing stars too. I'm a badass! Hi-yaahh!

Okay, maybe not.

Fancy-Looking Dessert

Looking being the operative word here. It's an ice cream dessert made with ice cream sandwiches. How white trash is that?? It tastes great, though, and it only takes 10 minutes tops. Most of that time is spent unwrapping ice cream sandwiches.

Ice Cream Sandwich Dessert

19 Ice cream sandwiches
12-oz Cool Whip, thawed
12-oz hot fudge sauce (not heated)
1 cup chopped peanuts

Unwrapped sandwiches and layer in the bottom of an ungreased 9 x 13 dish. Spread half of the Cool Whip over the top. Drop teaspoonsful of fudge sauce over the Cool Whip layer, using all of the sauce. Sprinkle with half of the chopped peanuts. Place another layer of sandwiches on top, top with the rest of the Cool Whip and sprinkle the remaining peanuts. Cover with 2 layers of plastic wrap and freeze until serving. (At least four hours) You can drizzle each serving with Hershey's chocolate syrup if you like. I've also seen this recipe using caramel or butterscotch sauce instead of fudge sauce.

Note: I used a smaller casserole dish, 12 sandwiches, the same amount of Cool Whip and fudge sauce, and 1/2 cup chopped peanuts. I used a deep-dish glass lazagna casserole dish.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

My Sweetie is Comin' Home

I made a fabulous dessert for Barnaby because he’s coming home tonight after 8 days. Dang, I’ve really missed him. He’s been in Las Vegas with the boys playin’ in poker tourneys in the Police Olympics. He didn’t win, but he did have a good time. He and another guy drove because neither one of them would fly. They took the other guy's van (down by the river) and I think that was his favorite part of the trip. He said it was a beautiful drive and there was no traffic anywhere to speak of other than when they got into Las Vegas at rush hour. They drove 11 hours each day for two days. Halfway was Albuquerque, New Mexico. (I spelled that right the first time cuz I’m a brainiack smarty pants.)

I’ll post pictures of the dessert later because I want to get pictures of it when it’s cut. I’ll also post the super-easy recipe when I post the pictures tonight or tomorrow.

I just stepped outside for a few minutes and it's only 90 degrees out there at 3:00 p.m. It's downright chilly out there! Okay, maybe not, but it's highly unusual for August in Texas.

I'm off to groom myself so I don't look like a skank when Barnaby gets home. Buh-bye.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Frozen Sugar Wafer Dessert??

I'm searching for a frozen dessert recipe that has sugar wafer cookies lined up on the bottom with some type of whipped cream or vanilla ice cream layered on top. There may be a thin layer of chocolate in there somewhere, or maybe not. The sugar wafer cookies that are on the bottom are standing up on their sides with space in between them. The whipped cream or vanilla ice cream is poured over the top and runs in between them before you freeze it.

Sorry the description is so vague, but that's all I've got.

I've looked all over the Internet and can't find anything like it. All kinds of recipes come up with vanilla wafers or chocolate wafers, and I even found one with crushed up sugar wafers in it. SOMEBODY has got to have this recipe. Help me find it. It's driving me crazy!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Let's Make Salsa

The most-used gadget in my kitchen. I first bought one back in 1980-something at the State Fair of Texas. I used it until it was all used up and barely worked anymore. Then I bought another one at the fair about six years after the first one. The next time it wore out it was nowhere near time for the fair, so I went online and found them, bought it, and that's what I'm still using. Getcha one. It rocks.
Salsa Ingredients (The salt is very important, people. Dont' leave it out!)
Cut up the tomatoes and onion. Notice the small amount of onion. This is about a 1-inch wedge of a medium onion. If you put too much onion, your salsa will be bitter and overpowered by onion.
Add the garlic, cilantro, salt, seeded jalapeno, and juice from 1/2 a lime. Close the lid and crank that baby around and around until it's the consistency you like it.
This is the finished salsa and the exact kind of tortilla chips you should eat with it.
Guess what I'm making next? That's right...deviled eggs!
I guarantee you this is what your eggs will look like every time you make deviled eggs to take somewhere. They will not peel, you will get totally pissed off, and you'll have to clean up egg from your kitchen floor and walls when you throw a hissy-fit and smash them and throw them. Aggressive much?
These are my new glasses. I picked them up today. The color didn't come out so great in this picture, but they're a purplish, rosie, pinkish, weird color. Love them.
That is all. Have a great evening.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Kill Me Now

It seems my doctor's nurse has managed to FUCK everything up. I received an approval letter from my insurance company last week. This is exactly what the first part of the letter said, punctuation and all. (The last part doesn't matter. It's just gobble-dee-gook.)

"We received your notification for coverage of Laparoscopy, surgical, gastric restrictive procedure; removal for Scotty McScotterson. (Okay, the name part is not verbatim.) This health care service is available for benefits under the terms of your health benefit plan. You have met the notification requirement and no further action is needed at this time. You will need to notify us again if additional services are necessary."

First of all, the punctuation in the first sentence makes no sense to me. Since a "gastric restrictive procedure" can't be removed, I assumed they were talking about the new procedure he's going to do. If they meant removal of the gastric band, that's what it should have said. YOU CANNOT REMOVE A PROCEDURE. You can REVERSE a procedure, I suppose, but that's not what it says.

Long story short, the nurse said the doctor never wrote a letter that she's aware of, and she just turned in a request for removing the Lap Band, period. She didn't mention ANYTHING ELSE...not the hernia repair and not the gastric vertical sleeve. She says she knows nothing about anything that the doctor and I discussed. She took back the September 20th surgery date and said she'd call me back after she "talks to the doctor and checks on all of this." She also said this was THE FIRST ONE SHE'S EVER DONE as far as dealing with the insurance. OH JOY.

I would like to get mad and stomp and have a cow and a hissy fit, but for some reason I can't muster up the energy. I'm closer to crying and being depressed than I am to getting mad, but I can't really get the energy up for that either. All I have to say is I should have known. And I guess maybe I did on a certain level, because I never posted anything about it until now. People just don't care about other people that much anymore to go out of their way to help. I guess what I'm feeling is resignation.

I don't expect much to change even after she "checks on all of this." And unless I discover a big box of money on the doorstep, this surgery ain't happening anytime soon, if ever. I should probably go ahead with the removal of the Lap Band, but I'm not gonna. I'll die of a GIANT stomach infection first. I'm aware that is not a reasonable or intelligent decision.

No comments, please. I won't read them.

I may not have the energy to be mad, sad, or throw a hissy fit, but I can have a pissy attitude.

Good day!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Friday, August 10, 2007

The Lady is a Bad-Ass

Woman Kills Rabid Raccoon With Bare Hands
Friday, August 10, 2007

Associated Press

CHESHIRE, Conn. — A woman killed a raccoon with her bare hands Thursday when the animal attacked a young boy. Officials with Cheshire animal control say the woman was walking in the woods around 11 a.m. with a group of children when the animal bit the 5-year-old son of a friend.

She pulled the raccoon off the child, told the children to run home and strangled the animal, authorities said.

"She had the presence of mind to choke it," animal control officer April Leiler told the Record-Journal of Meriden. "She is one tough lady."

The carcass was taken to a state laboratory in Hartford where it tested positive for rabies. The woman and the boy are undergoing rabies treatment. Their names have not been released.

Are ya'll following the trapped miners in Utah drama? I swear I woke up every hour last night and turned on the news to see if they had reached them yet. I hope they are alive and well. Ugh. I can't imagine how it would feel to be way down there in pitch blackness. I'm sure it's claustrophobic for one thing. I think I would go crazy not being able to see anything and knowing I might die there. How awful.
I need to be working instead of making this entry. I'm overloaded. Or I should say that "we're" overloaded. I've started a new partnership business that will officially be open on October 1st. We started on the first of August "unofficially" just to get a feel for things and work out the kinks, if there are any. Hopefully it will be less stressful when we actually start.
I'll have to check with my partner to see if she cares if I talk about her here. If you're reading, Anonomous Woman, you need to think of a good fake name for yourself. I promise I won't post your face all over the Internet unless you want me to!

Say a prayer of thanks for all that you have, even if things are not as good as you think they should be. Things could always be so much worse. Most of us here in the USA have so much more than the majority of the rest of the world. We are very fortunate and don't ever forget it or take it for granted. You could always be in a black hole near the depths of hell with no food, water, or fresh air!

Goodbye, my pretties. I hope your weekend is stress-free and fabulous.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

What Ice Cream Flavor Are You?

You can take the ice cream flavor quiz HERE. It gives you a description of each flavor on the site. I didn't want to waste the space here. You don't have to register or anything to take it.
Speaking of ice cream...I had some Dreyer's NY Blueberry Cheesecake ice cream last weekend that was FABULOUS. It was at the Dreyers' ice cream shop at the mall. I've never seen it at the grocery store in cartons, BUT YUM.
Here are my ice cream quiz scores:

You scored 44.4%

You scored 22.2%
Butter Pecan

You scored 22.2%

You scored 11.1%

You scored 0%
Chocolate Chip

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

The Cripple & the Hair-Lip

Police Story #1

This was your typical fast-paced Friday night in mid-summer and hotter than hell for the night shift at least. That was another reason I liked working that shift…no sun and much cooler than the 100+ temperatures on day or evening shift.

Three of us answered a burglar alarm call at a small jewelry shop in a strip mall. As usual, one checked out the front and everyone else went around to the back entrance. As we pulled around to the back, headlights dark, we could see that the back door was slightly ajar.

Gary and I got out of our squad cars, drew our flashlights and weapons, and prepared to enter and search the business. Mike stayed out front in case whoever was in there decided to flee via the front door. More often than not, we went through our well-coordinated routine of searching the business, and the burglars were gone before we ever arrived. This time was the exception to that norm. Just inside the door in the dark, we could hear conversation.

“Police! Come out with your hands in the air!”

The door slowly swung open and there they were – the cripple and the hair-lip. I kid you not. Gary and I stared in silence, taking in the sight of the unlikely pair. I don’t remember much of the conversation now, but I do remember one part in great detail.

Gary: “Why are you in a wheelchair?”

Cripple: “I was in a motorcycle accident.”

Gary: “And you? How’d you get your lip all fucked up?”

Hair-Lip: “I was born that way.”

By this time Mike had come around to the back and joined us and was listening, as was I, to Gary’s interrogation of the two. When Gary asked that question of the hair-lip, Mike and I immediately locked eyes. I have no idea where we got the strength not to bust out laughing.

I don’t know how to explain to you what was so funny. I think it was a combination of the oh-so-casual way that Gary asked such a shockingly callused question and the way the guy matter-of-factly answered the question without batting an eye with that speech impediment that being hair-lipped causes.

The only other things I remember is that the pair went to jail (the only person in a wheelchair I ever arrested), and we often talked and laughed about that call. We laughed about that call so hard we cried many times.

Oh, and it was kind of embarrassing walking into the jail with a handcuffed cripple in a wheelchair and hair-lip in tow.

I hope you enjoyed this premier edition of Scotty's Police Stories. They are all true stories as experienced by Yours Truly. There will be more stories in the weeks and months to come.

Grow Up

I'm watching my sarcastic boyfriend, Shepard Smith, on Fox News right now. Love him. Have I mentioned?

I really don't have anything to say today. I can't think of a thing to bitch about or talk about or whine about. I guess that's a good thing.

Here's something out of nowhere: Corn on the cob is really good right now. Go buy some and eat it with lots-o-butter and salt. And use REAL BUTTER...Gasp! It won't kill you just this once, and it tastes so much better than anything else. And don't be a cheap-ass. Buy Land-o-Lakes salted butter! And while you're at it, look at the Indian woman on the box cover using THESE instructions, it looks like you can see her boobs, but it's an illuuuuusion. Hee. Okay, that's just immature and dumb.

I told you I had nothing to say. Now leave me alone.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Product Review: Ponds Clean Sweep

Sorry, the picture is kinda blurry. I love this product. On the left is Wal-Mart's brand, and on the right is Pond's. I use the cheaper ones to take off the first layer of make-up. Then I follow-up with the Ponds. They're supposed to be the same, but the Pond's smells better. I like these little travel packs that have 15 wipes inside. There is also a much bigger size you can buy. This size was less than $3 for the Pond's, and the Equate brand was $1.97.

I guess I have a thing for wipes lately, because I also love, love, love the Huggies brand cucumber and aloe baby wipes. They smell yummy. I use them every day just for a fresher-upper. (Cuz it's hotter than Hades around here, and I sweat like a pig, okay?) I don't use up near as many wash cloths now. The Huggies wipes are $2.89 for 72 wipes at Target.
I made this "trail mix" of sorts last week. It's really good and salty-sweet.
1 box mini cheese crackers
1 box Cheese-Its sticks (New)
1 pkg pretzel Goldfish
1/2 large can of whole cashews
1 bag Peanut M&Ms, dark
I talked to the nurse at Dr. Hamn's office last week. She said it had been 10 days since he sent the letter, and their computer system showed that my insurance company has received it and it's "in process." It shouldn't be too much longer before I hear something. She said I'd get a copy of their response, probably before she does. I'm ready.
Bank - done
Carwash - done
Tan - done
Grocery Store (dog food) - done
Call in Rx refill - done
Staples (printer/copier ink) - done

It’s been a busy day already. And may I just say that printer ink is RIDICULOUSLY expensive? What a rip-off! I just paid $83 for two black ink cartridges and one each of yellow, blue, and red. Thank you.
I'm off to work.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Fashion Faux Pas?

I'm finally getting new glasses. I totally wasted my money on those damn contacts. I just don't like wearing them. Once I bought them, I had to wait a year before I was eligible through my insurance to get new ones.

I saw a girl at the tanning salon about a week ago that had blue frames. You wouldn't think that blue frames would look good, but these look fantastic on her. She had blonde hair, though, and since mine is now very dark brown, I'm not sure what they'll look like.

I immediately came home and searched for them on the innernets, but alas, they are discontinued. Wouldn't ya know it? They might look like shit on me anyway, but I'd like to at least try them. They are Prada brand frames and come in four colors, but they quit making the blue ones. I'm going to keep searching. Surely somebody has a pair of those frames in inventory, wouldn't you think?

Here's what they look like:

Model Name: Prada PR 01FV
Gender: Unisex
Material: Plastic

I also like these from Marc Jacobs. They are my current favorite, but they only come in black:

And these from Yves Saint Laurent. (I love saying that name with a really snotty accent all up in my nose.) I like them in both of these colors:

What do YOU think? Am I being a freak with these colors, or what? I want color! What's the matter with me? I normally am not much for colors on my face, or even on my clothes, or my house, or my car, but I really think I want some in a color. Do you think they'll get old really quickly, and then I'll be stuck with them for two years? Do you think they'll clash with my clothes if I'm not wearing a color that goes well with them? Will the fashion police arrest me? Will they take a picture and blow it up on the TV screen and circle my face in yellow marker with a giant question mark? Will I find myself on the next episode of What Not to Wear? (I love that show, but I don't want to be on it! Although, for $5000 in new clothes, maybe I'd consider it.)
Some of my Cosmos finally bloomed. Remember the picture of them just peeking through the soil? Here they are now...

There are some purple ones that look like they'll bloom any day now. Pictures to come.
My dad had hernia surgery yesterday. My mom, sister, and I spent all day at the freakin' hospital. His surgery was delayed because of blah, blah, blah, and his surgery didn't start until after 11:30. Everything went fine, and he was back in his recliner at home by 4:00.

We did end up taking my dad to the casino on Saturday. He had so much fun and won $1000 on the Wheel of Fortune game. I was so glad he won and had a good time.

This is the Secret Squirrel picture that Barnaby took with his cell phone. He managed it without getting arrested or thrown out. (You're not supposed to take pictures in a casino for some weird security reason.) This picture was taken right after he won his first $500.

Still no word from the doctor about my surgery. I swear, I'm calling them today...maybe.

And today is Barnaby's birthday. Happy b-day, Sugar! Dang, is it August already? I've got to get some work done. I've got birthday stuff to do this afternoon.